confessions of a political hack.

Have you seen the video of two angry Tea Partiers confronting Obama in Iowa recently?

Angry Politics Make People Weird. (<--video I'm talking about.)

It's really a chicken or an egg video. If you're a Tea Party fan and/or a conservative and/or a Republican, you'll watch it and go: Woo! Obama got OWNED!! If you're a Progressive and/or a liberal and/or a Democrat, you'll be all: Woo! Obama OWNED those guys!!

Either way, I must say Obama exercised tremendous control, as always. President O is smooth and classy (some on my side are now grumbling: a little too smooth and classy). Plus, sometimes I wonder if obnoxious people like these aren't just trying to instigate someone into doing something even crazier, so they can start some new, fresh crazy, like screaming "Oh, see? We KNEW it! Obama IS a dictator!" as the Secret Service makes them leave (Secret Service! Where were you??) (also: I think people--left and right--who haphazardly throw around words like "dictator" have a weak grasp on their true definition; they just think knocking around volatile words makes them look smarmy and smart) (it does not).

I will say that, as much as I think the two people in this video seriously need to brush up on their manners for Situations Dealing With VIPs Who Could Totally Have The IRS Put Them In Tax Hell For All Eternity, I'll give it to them: they were courageous to take on the leader of the free world as just ordinary citizens. They used completely disrespectful tones of voice while doing so, but they were very, very courageous. Crazy people often are.

But man. I still watch stuff like this and think: Really, fellow Americans? Really?? This is the president. THE President. You may not like him, you may disagree with his policies, you may even think he's bad for the country. So what? This is the President. Voice your disagreement, voice whatever is displeasing you, but show some frickin' respect. Use the word "Sir," a lot. Check your tone of voice. Speak your mind, but for the love of Reagan, don't badger. Badgering always makes you look like an obnoxious a-hole trying too hard. Don't take my word on that--go watch Bill O'Reilly or Keith Olbermann on youtube for proof. The only people who should be badgering the President of the United States are his political opponents (the ones in actual power, not the ones shouting at Rachel Maddow from their La-Z-Boy recliners). Oh, and FOX News analysts. They get to badger the President, too. But only because they need to feel very, very busy and important. We should all become nervously concerned if FOX News people suddenly don't have enough to do.

But Amy! (I hear you protest.) People have always gotten hot and bothered about politics. Even people back in George Washington's day got all hot and bothered about major political issues. Yes, it's true. But don't you agree they seemed to do so in more respectful, effective ways? Maybe leaning a tad passive aggressive with their flowery use of the King's English, but you know...times were simpler back then and passive aggression was really all they had. There was no twitter, no on-demand TV with 4500 channels, and people weren't bombarded with a gabillion new reality shows every year. And they always prefaced the passive aggression with words like "Sir" and "Gentlemen." And they bowed a lot, because that's what you have to do when you're forced to wear ruffled, romantic poet shirts and tight breeches as every day garb. And they always gallantly took off their 3 corner hats when greeting foes. And even if they were going to shoot your head off in a duel, they were always polite about that, too: duels totally had rules of honor.

George Washington was so polite, in fact, he stopped the whole Revolutionary War so he could return that one British general his lost dog. Nowadays, news of a prominent political figure doing something like that would be hacked to death by 50 different pundits for 2 weeks 24/7, or however long a news cycle is. And 800 anti-George Washington bloggers and other citizens would find 10 million different ways to call the father of our country a big, wussy wimpy wuss not worthy of the position. And every single person in the country would either obsessively love him for the decision to return the dog, or despise and deride him for it, calling him a traitor to the cause, possibly even demanding proof he was a citizen. Some would probably also demand impeachment, even though George technically wasn't even president when he did that, and you can't impeach non-presidents..though I don't think that had officially been decided yet as the Constitution was still being finalized. But honestly, who cares if it was finalized or not or even what it said when it was finally finalized? Who the heck has time for stinkin' facts these days?

I contend that if George Washington did something nice for an enemy today, many people would resort to brawling in online forums with one another about it, in ways that made them appear to have the maturity level of my 2 year old. People would post angry tweets and facebook status updates, and other people would make snarky comments about their snarky comments.

And George Washington would probably never have even had a 2nd term if he were president today, because probably the Whigs (or whoever) would have filibustered the whole ratification of the Constitution which would have sent the whole world spiraling into insane madness, and they wouldn't have even cared about that because nowadays it's all about political posturing and re-elections, not doing what will save the country from looking like one big jackass.

Which obviously means the Louisiana Purchase would have fallen through due to excessive litigation by money hungry lawyers, Texas would be its very own country right now (I mean, nearly every Governor right up to the current one has suggested it, often out loud), which means in 2011 we'd all be angry at illegal Texans taking all our underpaid agricultural, maid service, and landscaping jobs, and they'd probably insist on speaking some weird language they call Texican and they'd slap it all over billboards in stately neighborhoods. Oh, my fellow citizens! You think we're a messy mess right now? Be glad there was no internet, social media, MSNBC, FOX News/Nation, or CNN back in 1776.

We live in strange times.

Confession #1: I thought George W. Bush was bad for America. I did not agree with his presence in the White House. I did not like his policies. I'm pretty sure his (weak grasp on) economics and his bizarre trickle down ideas helped drive us straight into the recession we're currently not enjoying. And I really (desperately) wish he'd have studied harder at fully grasping the nuances of our shared native language. But I always liked him tremendously on a personal level; I really, really WANTED to vote for him. I just couldn't. I still say George W. Bush is probably great fun at barbecues. I was angry and horrified at the (thankfully not American--how embarrassing would that have been?) guy who threw a shoe at him, and I most certainly would never have spoken to him like he was some kind of inept grocery store cashier I was having a disagreement with regarding a coupon.

And you know why I'm so sure about all of that, how I know I'd never have been, never would be to this day, disrespectful to our former president's face? It has come to my attention, in recent years, that George W. Bush and I may share a common ancestor, and despite this very real and important family connection, George W. Bush never once invited me to the White House while he was in charge. Yes, I'm serious! Not even once! And my dad, mom, and brother totally voted for him. And THEY never got any White House invitations either. And yet he had and still has an open invitation to any of our summer barbecues. That's just the kind of socialist commie pinko I am.

Which is why I watch videos like the one above and think: Wow. Just wow. Total consumption by egoic fantasies of self-righteous indignation with a general lack of facts to back one's self up= so awkward to watch. That's one of the most powerful men on Earth, second only to Donald Trump's powerful ego (awkward as well), and he (Obama, not Trump's ego) deserves a certain level of protocol. Shouldn't all presidents? Even if they never invite you to a single White House ball despite the fact you possibly share a trace smidgeon of genetics?

What is happening to us, friends? As a society, as a people, as a species? That behaving like this, in public, has become okay? This is normal? Acceptable? We've totally turned into crappy party guests, spilling our red wine and dripping our cheese dip all over our host's brand new carpet, not even attempting to try to clean up after ourselves. And some of us even try to find ways to make it look like it was the host's own fault to start with.

Confession #2: I know I'm completely being part of the problem I'm currently complaining about in this blog post. I also know:

(A) I'm kind of wasting my time--the internet is simply not a conducive location for reaching hearts and changing minds, and certainly not when it involves emotionally-charged things like politics and religion. Besides, friends who share my political leanings might read this and suddenly this blog could be Ground Zero for angry hippies.

Confession #3: I am often an angry hippie, though I was born 3 years too late.

(B) I also know blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are simply not places sincere political discourse will ever happen--I mean, take Facebook for instance. It's a living room, and we're sipping our tea and coffee while nibbling dainty biscuits and making polite small talk. Then somebody busts in screeching diatribes against the Speaker of the House or the President? And at least 5 people in the room have close emotional ties to one or both of those people? Sweet friends, no. No, no, no. That's exactly like letting your dog pee on a guest's leg and then refusing to even apologize.

Example to bring this all home: My own brother (who I love with all of my heart, who once drove through a scary, severe thunderstorm in a stupidly ridiculous traffic jam, JUST to hear me give my capstone presentation for my master's degree), my beloved brother is on the opposing side of me in all things political and we've had crazy online arguments about American politics (seriously: I'm certain there are others who've witnessed these exchanges and now believe we're both mentally challenged). Because he's unable to properly read my (highly nuanced, witty, and sagely ironic) tone online, and his sarcastic, butthead tone reads all sarcastic and butthead-y because, well...he just so happens to be a sarcastic butthead. This has lead to problems, and we finally had to do an intervention on each other. And now we're okay. We're able to lightly joke about politics in person, and we agree this joking between us simply doesn't translate well online. So now we've stopped and we both try to contain the political commentary on facebook amongst polite company. It's incredibly unproductive.

Politics in this place have become so divisive. It does worry me. And kind of creeps me out.

For the record, progressive gay friends: I include you here in all this. Yes, you. You who throw glitter on our right wing politician friends at various book signings. (Though....Confession #4: in terms of angry protest, I must say this one's pretty genius...you guys get out your anger, make a political statement, AND said opponent winds up all cute and sparkly when they get home. Win-win. I really want to call this: Spreading Pixie Dust of Angry Love, and it's one more example of why I'll forever be on gay people's side in the civil rights fight. Because I mean it: next time I get upset with someone, I totally intend to pelt them with rainbow glitter.)

When I see news coverage of someone throwing a shoe at George Bush, when I watch a video of two random citizens badgering the President, when I witness trolls word-bombing people in comment sections of blogs, when I'm unsuspectingly subjected to vitriolic political facebook rants in my news feed that mess up my perfectly happy day? I find it depressing, the downside to social media. Can't we all just get along? Or at least just pelt each other with Pixie Dust of Angry Love?

In fact...you know what? I bet this is exactly how people in the North felt about family in the South and vice versa during Civil War times. And I bet they used "Sir" and "Gentlemen" during disagreements even back then. I'm really starting to suspect technology is somehow behind this poop.

Well! I'm pretty exhausted after wading through all that, are you? This has been an intensely opinionated, and not that quirky or fun blog entry. I'm sorry if it bummed you out in any way, and I'm giving you high fives and terrorist fist bumps if you stayed with me all the way to this paragraph. But I mean it, amigitos: I'm becoming increasingly concerned about this situation. Because this is not a politician-based problem (amazingly, since they create a good 80% of problems world-wide), this is an Us problem. In fact, it's the single most problem that worries me about my country, second only to climate change. In fact, I feel the two may be connected--fix climate change, and voila! Peace between the blue and red states.

So I don't know. I don't know if Obama will be re-elected or not. I know he's a citizen. I know he's not a secret Muslim, and even if he is: who frickin' cares? And if you do care, do you think you can explain why but without the words Al Qaeda or terrorist or jihad? I also know he's a great dad with a really sweet love for his girls, and he's apparently a good husband as well. Barack Obama and his family have standing invitations to any of our summer barbecues, just like the Bushes. In fact, I bet if both families showed up at the same time, we'd have a really pleasant evening together, talking and laughing and being eaten by mosquitoes.

Confession #5: I and my Marxist liberal self actually don't think he's handled all his business in the White House that well, just not for the same reasons FOX News watchers think he hasn't. For one? If I were in charge of the White House? That Oval Office would be stunning shades of electric blue and red with a silver disco ball in the ceiling, and there'd be sparkles in the corners. What the heck, Mr. O? Tan on beige?? Sir, seriously.

In spite of boring decor, I think he's a really smart, good man who's sincerely trying to do what he thinks is best for our country, so please (PLEASE) even if you disagree with me, I beg you: please stop trashing him in demeaning ways on the internet in places my eyes and brain aren't able to avoid and please also have more couth at random political pep rallies. And when your people get into power, I promise I will return the favor to you. Because even if you can't wait for the Obamas to exit the White House, I know you can at least relate to the president on a personal level when it comes to his relationships with his kids and his family. It's how I related to Bush the second, whenever he was tossing around double negatives in his speeches and invading sovereign nations.

And that's really all I'm saying: we simply must dump this negativity; it's a complete waste of your time, my time, and our Cosmic, collective energy and it's not going to fix a single thing. It never has. Disagree and voice displeasure, but don't forget your manners. And for the love of God, somebody please re-decorate the Oval Office if Obama does manage to score a second term but doesn't make it to our final summer barbecue so I can present my decor plan. And will SOMEbody teach George W. how to pronounce "nuclear" correctly before the End Times are upon us???