Connecting the black dry erase dots: Jesus in disguise.

I just got back from school supply shopping. School starts back on Monday. I've noticed, as each year progresses but particularly once I crossed what I like to refer to as "the 10 year veteran mark" (and I'm at 15 years now), I'm less willing to spend my own money on frivolous crap. By frivolous crap I mean crap that will be used from exactly mid-August through end of October and then will end up ripped, broken, bruised, or I'll just realize: man, why do I keep buying such frivolous crap? And it ends up in one of my storage cabinets. Or the trash. More often than not, in eventually makes its way to a trash can.

So now I just buy the basics: glue, markers, pencils, crayons, dry erase markers. But I'm having a huge issue of extensive proportions right now with the dry erase marker makers. I would like the makers of dry erase markers to explain why they're so stingy with the black ones. You can get a double set of dry erase markers for $18 at Target, with double everything in colors...except not the black. They give you 3 purples and only 1 black in that set. I think if you're selling a double set of every color package of dry erase markers, it only makes sense in all fairness to include two blacks.

I'm always suspicious of this type of activity on any company's part, and I don't know why. Probably because if I made dry erase markers and knew hard working teachers were spending their own money on them, I'd give them 3 blacks in my double color sets. I'd be generous like that with the little people.

I'm also all about technology now, so I'm less willing to buy anything pocket chart-y or bulletin board set-y. Last year, we were given mimios and I cannot stress how much in love I am with this technology. It's basically this magnetic strip I slap on my white board and plug into an electrical outlet. Then I plug in a flash drive on my laptop, plug my laptop into what I lovingly call my "big black box of technology" (I stole that from a now-retired teacher friend who avoided hers like the plague), turn on the projector, and now my white board is officially a touch screen computer. Or my laptop, but projected onto the whiteboard. You can do whole lessons this way--power points, using the stylus to move pictures and words around on the board, drawing, writing, fill in the blank, whole stinking lessons.

And yet we're STILL behind Finland. I'm positive there's a connection between dry erase marker companies hoarding the black markers and our lagging test scores.

Totally different subject, but staying with the shopping theme:

The other day I was grocery shopping and just as I was leaving the toilet paper aisle, a man stopped me and asked if he could ask a favor of me. He was clean and nicely dressed in tan khakis, a red polo shirt, and a tan baseball cap. He had all his teeth and was well-spoken. You need that information before I launch into what favor he wanted from me.

"Sure," I said, thinking he was about to ask where the spaghetti aisle was.

"I was wondering," said he, "if you could help with my medication. I have a bad heart condition, and the pharmacy has all of my medicines on hold right now because I don't have enough money. All I have is this grocery debit card but they won't take it. So I was wondering if I could buy your groceries for you with this, and then you could give me the cash so I could get my heart medicine."

Let me say here: he did look a bit shaky. He was slightly out of breath and his hands had a strong palsy quality to them. My dad died of congestive heart failure, and I remember that when he needed adjustments to his heart medicine, he would get out of breath like that and shaky. So the heart problem story seemed entirely plausible to someone like me and I probably would have fallen for this hook, line, and sinker. I'm totally gullible when it comes to poor, sick people.

However, I wasn't paying for my groceries in cash that day; I was paying via debit card. And so I told him this, apologized, and wished him the best. He feebly tried to convince me to do it anyway, saying they could give me cash back, and I said no, my account only had so much money in it and we parted company.

Then, exactly 10 seconds after I pushed my cart away, it occurred to me: Waaaaait!! One time, some stranger bought C's mom about $300 worth of medicine at a pharmacy. Totally anonymous--she walked up to pay for her medicine and the pharmacist told her the person who was there just before her had just taken care of all of it and she owed nothing. Why couldn't I do that for this man? I had credit cards on me--I could just put it all on my AmEx and remind C about what happened to his mom that one time. You know, pay it forward and all that.

So I spun around and frantically searched for him. But I couldn't find him. He was GONE. A mere 10 seconds prior, he'd been right in front of me, all sickly and needy, and now he'd just disappeared. Like a cloud of smoke. I felt terrible--what if that man died tonight because he couldn't afford his heart medication? So terrible.

And then another, more disturbing thought: Wait a second! What if that guy was....gasp!! Jesus in disguise?!? Damn it!! Not fair, Jesus! I HATE pop quizzes! That meant I'd just failed. I'd let Jesus down, and now I'd have some 'splaining to do, lots of it. As if I don't have enough on my spiritual plate as it is. Great, juuuust great.

But then, just as I was exiting the cereal aisle, I found Jesus in disguise again. He was hitting up another lady who was also telling Jesus in disguise she couldn't do what he wanted. And then I watched Jesus in disguise harass somebody else. And then, later, as I was headed into the wine aisle (so fitting), I saw a store manager walk up to Jesus in disguise, who was entering the frozen pizza section. After that, Jesus in disguise left the store.

Obviously, this wasn't Jesus. While I do think Jesus, when feeling the need to test someone, does use the homeless aspect to his full advantage, I really don't think he'd throw on a drug/alcohol addict panhandler on top of it all. That just seems a bit much, even for Jesus. And even if Jesus did do that, I refuse to believe he'd let 3 different grocery shoppers and 1 store manager fail the Big Test, eternally jeopardizing their very souls. Right? Jesus was too kind to be that type of teacher. I say.

So phew! Close call at Kroger.

I'm also pretty convinced Jesus would be so frown-y with a certain dry erase marker company if he was aware they were hoarding all the black markers and selling them in separate boxes at an exorbitant price and also tricking people into buying a double set of dry erase markers that have 3 purples and only 1 black, just so they could drive up the prices. Just like the oil companies to do the world, only this affects little kids and their teachers. Not cool, marker makers. Not cool.